It seems the end of the year, of any year, it stresses hardly my constant question: “what am I doing?”

Learn to think is for sure no a simple thing to do. Even if for some is really enjoyable easy it is not. It is as challenging as to learn to live. Well we could start from the starting point, out from the academia, if we know what do we want?. To answer and sort out all these things is a complete art, at least for some of us (I am in this group). In other cases it seems it comes straightforward, but no so sure about that anyway.

However, coming back to the finality of the existence of this blog that is my PhD. The harder challenge that I am presenting right now, is to have discipline and be efficient. Of course with those qualifications I would be able to make things happen with quality (I would imagine). Thing I am not reaching right now. I really admire the ones that are at front of me in this path, specially the great people of my research group.

If I am allow myself to write some of my commitments and/or whishes of this new years into this career, the list will start with create the habits of discipline and efficiency in my activities. And follow by it, will be start writing. Something really stops me there. Even with the never finish official proposal of my research ;-( that is really sad!!! ;-(. Well, I know my research structure is still weak and I need to know a lot more than what I know at this point and doing my work on that, focusing, even if it doesn’t look so clear.

And I know I need to keep on reading, but writing as in traditional homework helps to reflect your own thoughts. Plus I have the luck to have great advices in this matter as the ones of Justus , Matti and Roman . I know that process is not easy at all at least for me, but it doesn’t help me to be afraid of it and avoid it. I am here to go for the whole, then learn from the best and go for it.

And one big truth is time goes quite fast and it doesn’t come back. The balance between deepness, wideness, flexibility, focus and solid fundaments it is just not an easy thing to reach. Maybe that is why several times I have been asked if I was sure to commit myself in this. And actually, now I understand that this commitment is just with myself. And in a way it is in combination to be able to enjoy the ride as well of course. Yeap, research needs a passion, sometimes impulse you, others freeze you, you can hate it or love it, but it is always present even if sometimes it is in different forms.

I guess, I am really in the crisis of the end of the year at this point.