Category Archives: personal

life’s project

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Week 48
Joensuu, Finland

Life passes by SO fast.
The classical saying is: time passes by so fast.

However, as matter of fact it is the life that passes by so fast because time will continue existing after our dead. At least what we consider as time. So, time does not disappear with us, it will continue its function.

Most of this year I have been eagerly seeking to re-connect with myself. It has been a long and bumpy journey to reach 2012. This year for me is a transition, due to the achievement of my dream…. (need to post about this! )

But….
then….
What….
is next?…..

and I am aware:

1) that the clock is ticking…
2) each life is unique…..
3) the real answers come from within….
4) things are moving, slowly, but moving……

Then, today I got this quote on a special card:

“I just play all the time and am fortunate enough to get paid for it” – Martin Gardner, 1998.  Honestly, since I found Gardner’s books, he got my admiration. However I did not know this quote, which it is like sugar for me!

The card was accompanied with this book: Select Papers on Fun and Games from Donal E. Knuth.  I didn’t know Knuth, so research starts. It is when I read about his most important life’s project when things start to come together: what is the most important project of my life?

I am EXTREMELY lucky because as far as I can recall, my most important dream has been achieved. Now, it is time to work for the most important project 🙂  (Thank you Mikko for this present! )

Somehow I know it. It is matter to figure it out how to verbalize it, prioritise steps and gather the courage to jump for it. It is going to be an interesting decade!

light in my special day. Each day is magical and full of surprises!

light in my special day. Each day is magical and full of surprises!

 

can vampires exist in research?

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It is not a secret that vampires attract my attention. There is something about these folkloric beings that have called me since I was in junior high. If I recall properly, only Ninjas have been in my interest radar much longer than vampires.  Yes, I admit, I am/was not into princesses much.

Vampires, across the literature and different believes, have an interesting connection with darkness and light, with a deep desire of life and their relationship with dead, and they show a special strength and vulnerability. Vampires are mysteriously captivating beings we have created, and maybe they are a reflection of us 😉 I have enough material to talk about vampires for a long time. Actually, I could write a little storybook about the topic. In any case, as time pass by I can sense how my personal attraction to vampires evolves.  One gets older.

Suddenly after talking with several freshmen students from our IMPIT program, as part of my actual job, I start to wonder: can vampires exist in research? I think, yes they can and they are of different types.

Why do I state that vampires can exist? Well, let’s be honest, new energy, ideas and dreams can be considered as part of the vital fluid that allows us to keep on moving.

It is clear, at least to me, that in order to have our knowledge system functioning, we need the wisdom of more experienced members of our group, as well as the energy of the young ones.  It is just fascinating how all these works!!!

I am genuinely trying to help the new students. They have been giving me their fresh energy without they attempting to do it. It just happens. Simultaneously, they take my energy.  At moments I see myself reflected through them, it is like a mirror. I can see I was passing EXACTLY through the same process some years back, or to be more precise SEVERAL years’ back.

Now, I am aware that the exchange of energy has to be done carefully. At the moment I am exhausted of the first round. Being exposed to life and energy,  demands that the receiver also offers life and energy.  The ratio is different, though!.  New learning process I am experiencing, undoubtably, and everything is switching.  Interesting times come ahead!

creation of new energy

creation of new energy

Image source in here

game of life includes happy & sad

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Week 28, 2012
Joensuu, Finland 

Have you seen the mathematics of life, right? Otherwise I copy the image below. Those calculations are full of truth in my own experience.

half-happy-half-sad

half-happy-half-sad

image source in here 

This weekend is the Ilosaarirock, and my heart is crying despite I will be treated very well.  Exactly in Ilosaarirock 2011 I wrote a letter, that perhaps one day I will share, which expresses a personal life-mark and fills my eyes of tears. Lately, I have been learning that my past should not occupy all my present, otherwise there is not future, and this weekend is full of action about games in Joensuu, so to move forward!

However, life does not work that simply. I found amazing and shocking all what can happen to one person in exactly the same moment.  That is life, and we need to learn to live with it.

You might ask, what happen last year? Well, I was working very hard on my thesis in a hot flat. I was not allowed to travel because my visa was being renewed and it was my last opportunity to push my dissertation’s draft while my supervisor was in Finland. So, the rock festival’s music reached my window from far away and you could sense the happiness of the people in Joensuu. At the same time, my inner was in deep pain and sadness because I was not able to be next to someone I love and was dying. He biggest wished was that I could be next to him. He needed a hug, I know that and I could not give it. The only thing I could do was to be my best, to focus with tears in my eyes and listening life outside the window. To do my best was my commitment and strength.

It was very hard, and still is. I know I did my best. We talked and inclusive made him smile last time I talked to him. But still, this weekend marked me….

Life is a very intense and a mysterious game. A game that does not allow repetitions, replay or anything like that. Life just go forward.  I want to dedicate this weekend to him and to life. Because without any question  my life is full of happiness and sadness that are knitted tightly together very strangely. Hope to find the strenght to be always my best focusing correctly. Yeap, learning to play the game between happiness and sadness.

Dead, happy, life, love, sad, life is all and it just go forward

Dead, happy, life, love, sad, life is all and it just go forward

image source in here

 

 

 

 

times change: mobile phone and my personal data

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Week 24, 2012
Joensuu, Finland

When I was at the serious game workshop at Nordic DiGRA I realized I lost my mobile phone. I wanted to record something from the workshop and I could not to do it because I did not find my phone. Then, I started to think when and where I used my phone the last time and I realized:  I left my phone on the train. Auch!

My brain then started to spin in reference of what I have lost. Firstly came to my mind a couple of interviews I haven’t backed up, some new photos. The rest of the information I could recover (notes, phone numbers and most of the photos) because I had backed up, but still I feel uncomfortable thinking that an unknown person will have access to my personal data. Finally came the idea of the money, an expense not planned to have.

In the first workshop’s break I ran to the VR office and asked for help.  They offered me a phone number for lost items  (löytötavaratoimisto) but remember in Finland there are not public phones…..  Another approach was that a friend call to my mobile phone and if someone answers maybe I could recover it. However, since I have my friends’ phone numbers recorded in my mobile phone, I have no idea of their phone numbers by heart and I do not have a phone book with me neither. Of course digital backup of my phone is not traveling with me.

My solution: email. I still have my laptop with me. So, next was to get Internet access and I emailed Mikko and he helped me. Later I got an email from Eeva, because the personnel from the VR called her about my phone. Apparently, I will recover my phone!!! I am impressed about it!!! 🙂 and I am looking forward to have it back 😉

However the event let me thinking about my personal data. I have hear – read – discuss about security issues of personal data in reference to social networks. But now my thoughts go to a more simple device, just my mobile phone.  I do not connect to internet and social networks on my phone then that part is “safe” but still there is certain data exposure on my phone just because I use a  smartphone  beyond calling and sending SMS.

Things are changing fast. In the late 90’s I wouldn’t have imagine myself looking for my mobile phone via email. Still public phone boxes were surround me. I could call friends easily, with or without mobile phones because I had a physical agenda and some numbers I knew them by heart. My mobile phone did not have much extra information about myself.

Now the situation has changed and I haven’t though thoughtfully on this. I start to wonder if actually I am letting myself to be vulnerable by depending blindly on my mobile phone. Perhaps as times change it might be wise to think a bit about this and also change. The main question is how  and what do I want to change about this topic?

change

change

 

Photo source here

 

towards the JTEL PhD SS

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Week 20, 2012
Helsinki, Finland

Excited and nervous I am traveling towards the JTEL PhD SS. It is the first time I receive several emails in advance about the different workshops 😉  Also, it is the first time I am running a workshop in an international event.

In the workshop I am conducting, will be a paradoxical situation because we were told that “[p]lease do not forget to bring your laptop … will be essential” and in my workshop the participants will work with dices, paper, colors and scissors ….. let’s see how it comes!

The only thing I am sure about the next week is: there will be tons of learning, I will try to keep with my back channel, I want to interview several people for the course I am preparing and the best is I will see a very good friend of mine.

Meanwhile I am working with an inspiring view! 🙂

working view

working view

 

Have I said, that I actually like airports a lot.